Certainly, members of a family can have serious friction, individuals and groups can separate, but they have no way of leaving the family. You can even hate it, but it's impossible to stay away from it.
Most Jews are so scattered and distant from each other that they hardly find a common language or any language that has meaning for them, as Jews. This is what is called assimilation which is basically the loss of common heritage. Therefore, we must try to penetrate deeper levels of the soul, many of which border on the unconscious, and which can help us to resume communication between ourselves, and to have, once again, some type of common language.
Jews can hardly be defined as a nation, despite the existence of the State of Israel. We cannot even be considered a religion in the most conventional sense of the word, with a message that we believe should become universal and be "sold" to others. In short, we are a very different entity.
To better explain what we are, we can start by saying that we are a family. Just a family – a big family, not entirely biological, but basically a family. Family ties, from a sociological point of view, are more fundamental than national or religious ones. They are certainly one of the most primitive ways of uniting people, and probably the most stable and resistant to external influences and changes.
The concept of Jews as a family defines us both from a sociological and, to some extent, theological point of view. In fact, we behave like a family with feelings and emotions similar to those present in the family structure, sometimes fighting and hating each other. It is even dangerous for a stranger to intervene in the family relationship, as external pressures only tend to reinforce the family's unity and feelings.
We can even easily move away, alienate ourselves from each other, but suddenly we come together again as a family. We feel this unity in the way we behave. Even when we try to deceive ourselves about the reasons that lead us to act in a certain way, we continue to behave in the same way.
Although, sometimes, we may even think that we have nothing in common, we maintain bonds and bonds that we can hardly explain. We feel comfortable with each other, even when we are in conflict. Together we feel safe.
Brothers and sisters tend to drift apart. They move to other countries, adopting different accents, lifestyles and behavior. Despite this, there is an undeniable element of unity between them that is very basic and difficult to define.
We can even say that Judaism, as a religion, is the way in which we do certain things, as members of the same family. We live and talk with G-d and man, just like the rest of humanity, but we have our own way of doing it. And just like in any other family, when we are young, we sometimes try to run away and fight with our parents. As the years pass, however, we find ourselves more and more like them.
This unique way - called Judaism - is, in many ways, the way we, as a family, live together, dress, pray, eat, and do a multitude of other things. We have our own vision for all kinds of issues. For example, in our family, we don't eat certain foods.
This does not mean that we claim any special rights or say that "we are the best family there is". But, as in any group, we can have this feeling and no one can condemn us. Saying to yourself "my father is different, my brother is different" is still one of the preferences of human beings.
On a very deep level, the notion that our people are truly our family, that we are brothers bound both by kinship and by way of life, is what the Bible calls "The House of Jacob" or "The House of Israel". It has the flavor of a family or tribe. Something much bigger, but still a tribe, with common goals and somehow united, despite this unity being permeated by a wide variety of individual expressions. The connections are so deep that we are generally not even aware of them. They awaken within us and, sometimes, it is as if we feel the call of the clan. Then, to our own surprise, we answered the call.
This feeling of family is probably the main reason why Judaism, as a religion, never dedicated itself much to proselytism – in the same way that no family would ever take to the streets to gather more elements to join their family nucleus.
This does not mean that Jews feel superior or inferior; just that, since time immemorial, they have had their own standards and lifestyle. Even when family members are away from home, when they are wandering around the world, they maintain their own lifestyle, whether in the theological, sociological or behavioral aspects.
Certainly, members of a family can have serious friction, individuals and groups can separate, but they have no way of leaving the family. You can even hate it, but it's impossible to stay away from it. Finally, one comes to the conclusion that there is no escape. Therefore, it is much better to discover the types of connections that exist, as the connection is not optional. We are born with it, and since there is no way out, it is much better to know where we came from and who we are.
For some members of our people, their story is somewhat reminiscent of the fable of the duck that was hatched by a chicken. Sometimes our ducklings thrive in a different environment. They are taught to think and act in completely different ways. Jews have adopted numerous other cultures, national identities, and even religions. Sometimes there is wonderful recognition and feedback.
Often, however, the discovery that we are a little different, that our environment is different, happens in a way that is not pleasant. However, when I see myself in front of the water, I will swim, even though those who raised and educated me cannot do so.
The topic of belonging or not to a group and its discovery are present in universal literature. In real life, consciously or unconsciously, each person has their own moment of discovery. If the individual makes this discovery prematurely, not only will he have the possibility of assimilating the fact that he belongs somewhere (at least so that he can be buried in the correct place), but also of making his life, in a certain way, more sense. Paradoxically, freedom arises from the acceptance of a defined structure from which we cannot deviate.
The family is generally considered to be a biological unit. The Jewish family, however, is and is not. We speak of ourselves as being the children of Abraham and Jacob. But in reality, our legacy is not biological. Our tribe is a very different kind of tribe. Quoting an ancient source, when we talk about the father or mother of our family, we say that the father is G-d and the mother is the community spirit of Israel. This is not just a mystical theological statement. It is the way our family was built and the determining factor in the way we act and feel.
When we speak of G-d as our father, it is not just a figurative image, we feel we belong entirely to the original source of the family. Without a shadow of a doubt, this strengthens us. However, despite everything, we continue to act like other families. Like all children, we go through periods of admiration for our father, and also moments of conflict, and we can even come to hate him. However, we never go to the extreme of denying the existence of a father, our own father.
Some children may express this denial as a gesture of revolt, provoking different reactions within the family. Some may even get angry about this, others wait for the child to calm down. But always, regardless of whether someone loves or hates, is a fervent believer or a convinced heretic, he will never stop being his father's son.
This basic bond is what is called the Jewish religion: being a member of that family. We have our own story, but this is not the most important part. Above all is our relationship with the father and mother of the tribal entity to which, in one way or another, we all belong. And this is what makes sense to those who remained.
There are countless very unequal parts in our large, suffering and not always glorious family. How aware are we of the bonds that unite us? How aware are we of each other's existence? We often try to ignore, deny and even repudiate any sense of belonging to this family. On the other hand, many are consciously returning to the comfort of their families. And it is not necessarily a search for "G-d". Generally, this return is the result of a long search and a feeling, which cannot always be described, of being back home.
You can admire more beautiful mansions, more attractive places, but there is nothing that compares to home. Because as happens with individuals separated from their family, wandering around the world, the desperate attempt to be independent only leads us to the discovery that we have to go back and discover the true meaning of being at home.
The true essence of a Jew is translated into the ability to recognize and affirm: "I belong, whether I want to or not. This is the deepest and most important part of my being, even if I do not agree with all the opinions and concepts about language, culture, nation or religion. I definitely belong to the family. The more I delve into myself, the more important the past becomes. I can reject this past, I can even eliminate it from within myself and play roles in an attempt to imitate the others, but I definitely cannot change who I am." And then, if the individual wants to discover more about this legacy, he will follow the path home. It is not an easy path, but it has its compensations and its own truth.
When animals raised in a zoo are released, they often don't even know if they are wolves or lambs. They need to find out who they are. It is a long process until they can define being this or that and then explore and learn the ways and behavior appropriate to each species. It is a fate similar to that of a Jew who lived away from his environment. Maybe you can find someone to help you. It may also instinctively move to its natural habitat. Who knows, who knows, they will encounter difficulties that will interfere with their natural behavior and, as a consequence, can only be corrected in the next generation. No matter what happens, he will be facing the problem and learning to deal with it.
Generally, this process is accompanied by tragic misfortunes, encounters, disagreements, losses and reunions. But it is, in essence, the situation of someone who awakens and discovers that, even though they grew up somewhere in the new America, they belong to a very old family, with strange relatives, brothers and sisters who are not always beautiful, whom Sometimes he loves, sometimes he doesn't. This someone will have to get used to this idea and decide what to do about it.
Rabbi Adin Even Israel, born Adin Steinsaltz, heads the Israeli Institute of Talmudic Publications and a yeshivah in Moscow.
Published in Nefesh Magazine, 1992.
