Judaism believes that man can change the situation he finds himself in, as well as sadness and depression through his thoughts, words and actions and, above all, by having absolute faith that G-d is more powerful than any situation that if you are living.
To understand the paths that Judaism shows us to be able to change our lives, we need, first of all, to analyze those moments in which our state of mind leads us to become dejected, without strength, incapable of facing difficulties. This can generate sadness, the main symptoms of which are discouragement, the lack of desire to perform routine tasks and even socialize. Sadness leads us to passivity and numb our emotions. Our Sages teach that sadness is the door to all evils, as it makes a person vulnerable to all negative things.
In reality, sadness constitutes a defense mechanism in the face of difficulties, pain and suffering. However, suffering and feeling pain is a more positive state of mind than sadness, because the very fact that we feel pain means that we are still sensitive. Sadness, on the other hand, anesthetizes us, paralyzes us and makes us apathetic and indifferent, with no desire to change.
A Chassidus – mystical teachings revealed by Chassidic Masters – which teaches us to replace fear and fear with love and joy, it also teaches that, when we are sad, the best thing to do is to lie down and try to sleep, because nothing positive can result from that state of mind .
A Chassidus addresses the topic of bitterness – merit, in Hebrew. Unlike sadness, bitterness shakes us, but does not numb us. Unlike sadness, bitterness gives us an impulse to act and get rid of what ails us. When our state of mind does not even allow us to feel bitter, it means that we are already without energy and vitality, without the necessary strength to be able to get out of the situation in which we find ourselves.
A sad person ends up complacent – getting used to the situation, even if it is uncomfortable or harmful. The reason for this is that she does not find the strength necessary to break the vicious circle that has enveloped her life. Words of encouragement often do not have positive results, because those who are sunk in sadness believe that, although other people have managed to overcome their sadness, their case is different, insurmountable.
Fighting the sadness
Sadness and depression can be the result of the frustration of an unfulfilled expectation. This occurs when reality does not correspond to expectations and, consequently, we go from a state of euphoria to one of deep depression. Euphoria occurs when human beings have high expectations and believe they will be able to achieve them. However, if these expectations do not come true, he goes into depression.
Sadness and depression do not depend solely on external factors. In many cases, these feelings come from internal problems – from a disconnect that exists within us, from an erroneous assessment of ourselves. To find the path that takes us away from sadness and depression and live a full and happy life, we need, first of all, to discover who we are. In many cases, there is a gap between what we believe we are, or what we should be, and our true self. Discovering who we really are – discovering our essence – is the great challenge. Self-discovery is a long road and the further we distance ourselves from who we really are, the longer the path to achieving true happiness.
Human beings achieve true happiness when they are themselves. Frustrations and negative feelings are the result of wanting to be who we are not, who we cannot be or who we should not be.
This concept is illustrated through a story about the fifth Lubavitch Rebbe, Rabbi Shalom Dov Ber Schneerson – a great mystic who structured the teachings of Kabbalah.
One day, Rabbi Shalom Dov, still a child, was playing with his brother. Despite being the youngest, he was taller. While they were playing in the backyard, his older brother threw him into a well. The father heard the noise and went to see what was happening. When he realized that the older brother had thrown the younger one into the well, he asked: “Why did you do this to your brother?” The eldest son replied, “I did what I was supposed to do. I'm the oldest brother so I should be the tallest. I threw my brother into the well so I could be higher than him.” The father replied: “My son, I am going to teach you a very important lesson. If you want to be taller than others, climb onto the chair or table instead of throwing other people into the hole.”
The lesson of this story is that the human being who wants to be “higher” than others – that is, surpass them – must act to achieve this without putting others down. There are people who try to stand out by putting others down. This will get them nowhere. Instead, human beings must seek to evolve and grow themselves instead of belittling others. This way, his growth will be real and consistent.
In many cases, when evaluating a person's worth, the only criterion is their possessions. But can a person be measured by what they have? Are we nothing more than what we possess?
It is important to highlight that Judaism, unlike some religions, does not teach that human beings should give up or stop enjoying material goods. Sustenance and the material elements of life are important and meaningful. However, what Judaism teaches is that the physical and the material are not the most important thing. Money and possessions should not be the ultimate goal in life, but one of the means to live meaningfully. Material goods are necessary; among others, they are one of the ways to help many people. But the value of a human being cannot be measured by how much he possesses. The more time we spend seeking “having” and not “being”, the further we become from our objective: to be what we really are and to fulfill the mission assigned to us when we came to this material world.
Knowing and knowing our value is the true source of satisfaction and happiness. If our happiness depends on “having”, instead of “being”, “having” will never be enough for us. On the other hand, when “being” constitutes the source of a human being's internal happiness, he or she will have the strength and capacity to face life's adversities.
Thinking Positive
Our Sages teach that the danger that leads to depression and sadness dwells within us, not outside us. Sometimes we can feel “groundless” – without a solid structure. This generates negative feelings. However, in most cases, the problem does not reside where we live nor does it come from the actions of other people, but rather lies within ourselves. The problem lies in the dissatisfaction we feel, in the loss of meaning in our lives. How can we transform this? We transform this when we know who we are and through optimism. The real secret to the power of the mind – what we call the power of positive thinking – is optimism.
There are people who believe that optimism is nothing more than a way of “self-deceiving”. Because, believing that everything will work out creates relief and makes human beings happier. But the importance of optimism goes far beyond that.
Jewish sacred texts and our Sages teach that there is power in thoughts, that they have forces that must be used in a positive way. Positive thoughts alone have the power to influence human life. Thinking positive means believing not only that it is possible to change yourself and your situation, but that we can trust the Creator, who is more powerful than any situation we are experiencing. Thinking positively means having not only faith, but absolute confidence that any situation can be changed.
Negative thoughts
Just as positive thinking has strength, so does negative thinking. It is important to emphasize that Judaism teaches that there are three domains: thought, speech and action. An even greater force than positive thinking is the power of words, because everything that is said, everything that is said, has an effect.
The world of speech, of words, is very close to that of action. This means that speech is much more powerful than thought: when a negative thought is verbalized, it takes on greater strength than if it had never been uttered through the lips. Negative forces are evoked through negative words. Therefore, they should always be avoided.
The Torah itself always uses positive language. For example, use the expression “that which is not pure” instead of “impure”, “that which is not right” instead of using the word “wrong”.
Our Sages also went to great lengths to always express themselves in a positive way. For example, when the Talmud refers to the blind, it uses the expression Marmoset Nahor – someone who has a lot of light; to talk about the cemetery, use the expression Beit HaChaim – “the house of life”. On several occasions the Lubavitch Rebbe taught that one should not call the hospital a Beit Cholim, the “house of the sick”, and yes, of Beit Refuá, the “house of healing”.
It is essential that human beings get used to expressing themselves in a sacred, positive and kind way. For example, one should not say that things “go from bad to worse”, but rather that “they could be better”.
It becomes evident, therefore, that it is essential not to verbalize negative thoughts. When a negative thought appears in our mind, the first thing to do is avoid saying it, and then mentally discard it by trying to control the mind.
Human beings are used to thinking negatively – both about themselves and others. These types of thoughts create vicious and harmful circles and it is essential to free ourselves from them. Positive thinking, on the other hand, is an acquired habit that requires training. We must learn to see people and events in a positive way. And it is important to learn to see the world from the perspective of others.
The human being who manages to free himself from a negative bias and adopts a positive outlook towards others benefits immensely. This is because the ideas contained in our mind influence our own being.
Our Sages teach that it is essential to relate positively to other people. They also teach that no one has the power to appropriate what belongs to someone else. This means that no one can take from a person what G‑d has determined to be theirs. This Talmudic teaching does not mean that man does not need to strive to achieve what he desires. It means that man can work and live with the peace of mind that no one will deprive him of what G-d has reserved for him. After all, G-d blesses our efforts and actions. There is, however, an important caveat: through negative actions, the person himself has the power to lose what G-d destined for him.
These teachings require a lot of commitment to put into practice, especially when facing an adverse situation. It is necessary to work hard to be able to see life, especially obstacles, in a positive way. But this effort is necessary: human beings need to bury their fears, failures and imperfections.
And to live a happy and productive life, we need to stop blaming others for our problems. It's easy to see other people's flaws and point out what needs to change. It is difficult to see our own flaws and change our own lives. We must be protagonists and not victims in our lives.
The Divine Soul
When we seek to be positive – when we seek optimism and strength – it is necessary to see who we really are. We are not just a body, with so many defects and flaws. In addition to the finite and material body, we have a soul – a neshamá elokit - a Divine soul – which is a particle of G-d that dwells within us.
When human beings focus only on their material existence, they will inevitably find countless defects and reasons to be upset and frustrated. But when a person sees themselves as a Divine soul, they become aware of their true potential. And that leads to a huge shift in perspective.
We need to ask ourselves three fundamental questions: Who am I? Who can I become? What's the truth? These three questions lead to the conclusion that life presents us with infinite possibilities for growth, as neshamá elokit it is a soul that is linked to the Infinite G-d.
The soul of each of us came into the world to fulfill a specific and unique mission that no other person can fulfill. Every soul came into the world to live a meaningful and productive life, to uplift and contribute to the world, and to help others. This is, fundamentally, the purpose of neshamá elokit that exists in each of us.
Training our mind
Training to think positively requires self-control. We must learn to control our mind, thoughts, words, emotions and actions. When we obtain this self-control, it becomes possible to solve problems. We become “well resolved” people, and a “well resolved” person does not focus on problems, but on the search for solutions.
There is a proverb in Yiddish that says, Trach gut vet zain gut. “Think about it and it will be good.” In other words: “think positively and the result will be positive”. This proverb is not limited to theory. It was the advice that the third Rebbe of Lubavitch – the Tzemach Tzedek – gave to one of his students who was going through a very difficult time. Tzemach Tzedek managed to convey the idea that positive thinking has the power to influence the events of our lives – and this advice worked, in practice, with his student.
The Talmud contains a concept called machshavá moelet (a thought that can cause an effect). This means that thinking strongly about something or someone has immense power. Thinking positive means believing not only that man and the situation in which he finds himself can change, but that the Creator, who is above all, can change the conditions in which the person is living.
Torános teaches that the beginning of defeat is fear; that if a soldier goes to war and becomes fearful of the enemy's warlike forces, he must always remember that G‑d is with him. If he remembers this when he feels afraid, he will be able to overcome that feeling and win the battle. However, the Torah also teaches: if the soldier is unable to overcome his fear, it is better for him to return home. Otherwise, he could transmit fear to his fellow soldiers and thus harm the war efforts.
It is important to emphasize that fear begins in the mind, in what we cannot control and believe to be insurmountable. On the other hand, when we control our thinking and adopt the confident attitude that everything will work out and that G‑d will help us, it becomes possible to attract Divine help.
Our holy books teach that when G‑d sees that a person has placed his trust in Him, He says: “Such a person has placed all his hopes in Me. He has trusted in Me so much. I cannot disappoint him.” Authentic and true trust in G-d, accompanied by effort and work, is something so powerful and intense that it ends up attracting Divine protection. However, the reverse is also true. When a human being thinks intensely about negative things, he ends up attracting them to himself.
We know that our mind never stops. We can control our speech and our actions more easily than we can control a thought, because it is impossible to stop thinking. Kabbalah calls thought the “inner garment” of the soul. It is essential to learn to control your mind. Human beings who cannot control their thoughts live in a daze. If we feed our mind with thoughts of frustration, sadness and pessimism, we will attract the negative. It is therefore necessary to train our mind to generate positive thoughts.
Everything passes
It is written that the teacher of the Previous Lubavitch Rebbe used to give him the following teaching: every night, when the child went to sleep, the teacher would say to him in Yiddish: “Tomorrow morning you have to wake up completely different from what you were today, and tomorrow must be different from today.” And this is what the teacher said every night to this child who became a great Rebbe: “Even though I already told you this yesterday, tomorrow has to be different from what it was today. It has to be much better than it was today.”
Our Sages also teach: “If today I do what I did yesterday and tomorrow what I did today, I don't need today or tomorrow, because I already had yesterday. If I was given today, tomorrow will be to do something I haven't done yet. If I simply repeat what I already did, then why am I here?”
Of course, every day we do the same things as the previous days. However, every day needs to be better than the last – more perfect, more complete and more meaningful. And the way to make every day better than the last is through positive thoughts, words and actions.
Optimism helps us face difficult moments in life. Every human being has ups and downs, but it is possible to overcome low moments through optimism and the awareness that they are temporary.
An example of this teaching is found in the famous story of the ring that the King received as a gift. The word was engraved on the ring ghazi, formed by three Hebrew letters: Gimel, Zayn e And you. These letters are the initials of the sentence Gam Ze Iaavor: “This too shall pass.” Every time the King looked at the ring, he was reminded that everything in life is fleeting and temporary. Therefore, when a person finds himself on high, he must remember that “this too shall pass”. But the same goes for difficult moments in life: they are also temporary, as everything in life is fleeting.
This teaching has the power to strengthen us in every moment of life, as it teaches us that all situations are momentary and fleeting.
To be happy, for our lives to be meaningful, we need to direct them to what is eternal and true. We need to be aware that we don't always know what's in store for each of us. We don't understand why certain things happen to us. However, it is up to each of us to determine how to react to every situation. Even in the most difficult moments, we can keep our mind aligned with the essence of our Divine soul and this will provide us with the strength and optimism to overcome all difficulties and pain.
Rabbi Gabriel Aboutboul is rabbi of the Ipanema Synagogue in Rio de Janeiro and speaker
